What to Expect When You’re Expecting…to Adopt

Ever since I can remember, each person in my family chooses a word to represent a theme or a hope we have for the upcoming new year. Last year in 2017, my word was simplicity. Heading into 2017, I expected to simplify my life in every day means: the amount of processed junk I put in my body, declutter my closet, slim down my to-do list and although at some point in the year of 2017 I did do most of my “resolutions,” God did a much bigger and more powerful work in my heart than I could have ever imagined. He simplified my plans, my dreams and completely transformed them into something bigger, better, and honestly way more complicated than I could’ve ever imagined. This is the conclusion I came to in 2017:

When God calls us to hard things, we often expect it to be easy because we’re walking in His will, but often times it isn’t pretty; it’s ugly, messy, confusing, not heavily supported, and just plain hard.

The Beginning of Something Messy

In March 2017 Austin and I took our first step of obedience towards fostering to adopt, something we had both felt called to do even before we started dating.

“Oh my gosh how exciting, but does that mean you guys will never have real kids or kids of your own?” “Is it just that you guys aren’t able to have kids?” “Do you realize how hard it’s going to be?” “Are you ready for this?” The endless questions go on and on.

What happens when what God calls you to isn’t easy or “pretty” anymore? What do you say when a complete stranger asks you if you’re only adopting because you can’t have kids? How do you hold it together when you tell a close friend you’ll be having kids around soon and their face falls as they find out you’re not pregnant, but “just adopting?”

As I said, 2017 was anything but simple in this area.

I wanted to write this blog not to make you feel hesitant to speak in front of us because you don’t want to be another cautionary tale in a blog or for you to be proud of us for being obedient to something God’s called us to. I write this because we covet your prayers, your support, and your love as we are two people in desperate need of grace as we walk through this season.

Living safe is never fun nor faith fueling. Fight against complacency and do something that is 100% uncomfortable.

When God Invites You, Say Yes.

You see, I had this whole plan. I had a plan that I would get married out of college, land a steady job, be married for at least two years, get pregnant, buy a house, be a millionaire and have five kids by the time I was 30. There’s nothing wrong with this plan except for the fact that it wasn’t what God had planned for me. Because for me, I wouldn’t be required to get uncomfortable in any of the things I listed above (that’s not to say this means the same for you, this is just what is true of me). I am so prone to being comfortable that I forget what it’s like to live dangerously for Jesus. When I begin to live comfortably, I lose sight of everyone around me because my head is so far up my own pride that I don’t see anyone else for who they are or the needs they require.

The more Austin and I prayed about where our family was headed as we went into 2017, the more we felt God calling us to act in obedience to something he called us to quite some time ago. We always knew we wanted to adopt, but we never knew this was the order it would happen in. We felt God inviting us into this really exciting and roller coaster of a ride and there was no way we could say no.

Joy Amongst Pain

Now please don’t get me wrong, we are OVER THE MOON excited about possibly getting to foster a child any day now, but the point I am trying to make is just because God calls you to something beautiful doesn’t mean it’s easy. Austin and I have had to fight against our flesh more times than not because, well, it’s hard sometimes.

It’s hard not getting to do a pregnancy announcement. It’s hard wrestling with the uncertainty of permanency with the child we receive. It’s hard to not plan a room because we don’t know the age or gender of the child. It’s hard because we’ve never been parents before and we are scared out of our freaking minds.

Loving someone is hard but it is an act of obedience, not a reaction to a feeling. Walking with Jesus is hard but the reward of getting to see a glimpse of the gospel every day in this process is beautiful. It’s hard not being in control, but the peace that washes over me each time I begin to worry makes my heart rejoice. But you know, I don’t want to look back on 2018 and say, “whew, what a nice walk through the park.” NO! I want to slide into the home plate of 2018 with mud all over my shirt, pants ripped down the side, with a bottom of the 9th nail-biting kind of win because aren’t those the moments we live for? Aren’t those the situations where we look to God and say, “it had to be you. There’s no way we would’ve made it, Lord, unless you were our coach, unless you were the one who had to carry me as I stumbled around the bases. It had to be you, Lord, that kept me from stealing a base too early, you withheld me from cheating out a hard a season that I had to endure to produce perseverance. It only could’ve been you, Lord.” These are the moments we live for. This is my hope for 2018.

So my word for 2018 is hope:

Hoping in something great, someone greater. Parenting is hard. Adoption is hard, heck life is hard. If I am walking in obedience to something God has called me to, may it be hard, may it be so hard that there’s no way I can stand on my own two feet without Jesus coming through. May my spirit be filled with a joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding that every person that looks upon our family may see the face of Jesus and praise His name.

May it be so.

Kali Dunson