My heart is stirring as I reflect on the goodness of the Lord. When I hear the word “compassion” my mind instantly races to one particular girl I met this summer. I’m sure she does not remember my name, or comprehend how she transformed my heart. I am confident that Jesus used this little girl to tap into a part of my heart that I was attempting to shield from Him.
The first time I met this precious angel was on a Tuesday morning when I was holding worries, complaints, weariness, and negativity. Little did I know that her eyes held hurt, distrust, brokenness, and rejection. My eyes were drawn to a beautiful face that was hidden in a corner masked by tears. As I drew near to her, she quickly withdrew from me. The closer I got, the more hurt I was able to see: her eyes were filled with tears, her hands were bruised, and her body was stricken with disease.
As I sat with her, seeking to gain answers to her tears, I felt resistance. I ran out of jokes, questions, patience, and was on the verge of giving up when I finally did what I should of done from the beginning of the introduction, pray. My strength is little, and my patience is weary. I do not know how to love this girl, but you do. You are a God of comfort and peace, and only you can provide this for this girl. May it be so, Lord. I will never forget the first words she said to me…
“Do you have anything to eat?” she whispered through lump in her throat.
I asked her when was the last time she had anything to eat, she timidly told me that she got one meal a day which usually consisted of a piece of bread. There was no anger in her voice, but there was a hunger, a hunger to be loved.
I had to walk away from the moment to gather my emotions. Behind the innocent dark brown eyes of this sweet 8 year old girl held the weight of feeding her younger brothers and sisters because her mother was not around to, she had seen the reality of who people are when they are controlled by substances, she felt the weight of a man’s hand when used for evil, she was surrounded by darkness.
It was a restless night as I struggled with the reality of my new friend’s life. I continued to wrestle with God and the word that repeatedly came into my head was why? Why is she at home tonight without being full; full of love, joy, tenderness, trust, and even food. Why? God, why?
I woke up the next morning with a similar attitude as the day before, negative. This time it was caused by a different source. I was mad at God. I was mad that he would let this happen, and mad that there was evil in the world. As I looked around the room I instantly made eye contact with my newest friend. Her demeanor was slightly brighter as I could begin to feel trust being exchanged between the two of us. Later that day we were holding hands walking towards a group to play a game, and I began to feel a sting on my wrist. She was popping my hairband onto my wrist over and over again. I took it off to let her play with it, (or to give relief to my wrist that was now a cherry color) and quickly forgot about my little trinket.
During the game I noticed that she was sitting off to the side still playing with my insignificant object. I asked her if she would like to keep it because of the amount of joy it was bringing to her attitude. Her countenance suddenly changed from contentment to tears. I frantically retraced my words, analyzing what I had just said. Her captivating eyes were once again filled with tears as she said, “You mean, I can keep it? I have never had anything to call mine before. This is the best gift I have ever gotten.” There was no hope for me to try to recompose myself after those words were gently spoken. My heart was full of compassion.
Later that night as I sat alone quietly in my room and reflected on the tragedies that have taken place in this precious angel’s life as well as many children around the world I continued to ponder on evil in this world. Murder, rape, abuse, cheating, stealing, disease, poverty, natural disasters, the list goes on and on, and again my question remained why? God, why?
A few weeks later, I began to feel the Lord asking me to give away a majority of my possessions for the poor, and to stop living in excess. I quickly came up with a million excuses as to why I didn’t need to, and how this was a normal lifestyle, and I really didn’t have that much. These lies did not seem to satisfy God, and the call continued to ring. Thank God that he loves me too much to let me continue to walk in sin, and that he delivers me by bringing me to my knees before his throne.
“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered all the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith…” Philippians 3:7–9
As humans we yearn for peace because that’s what we were created for, to live in perfect peace with God (The Garden of Eden). Yet as sin entered the world there was evil not only in the world around us but within our hearts. I began to get uncomfortable with God as I was reminded of all the evil in my heart and how I wasn’t this passionate about terminating that evil. I was not being consistent in demanding goodness. Oh how evil my heart is that I quickly become offended when evil is taking place in the world, but the moment God begins to tap into me and remove the evil I cling to it. How easy it is to hate the external evils, but when it comes to my pride, my possessions, my job, my money, and my life, I refuse to hate the evil within. Thanks be to God that Jesus stepped in to save me from my sin!
“Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.” 1 Peter 3:18
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you received the spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15
Thanks be to God for this inexpressible gift in Jesus Christ. I can rest in the hope in knowing that there will soon be a day when The Garden of Eden will be restored, and evil is conquered.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” Revelation 21:4
May the glory of the Lord shine so brightly upon me, that the evil within is disintegrated. May the world know of your love through faithful disciples seeking to provide hope. May it be so, Lord.