I have been engaged for exactly five months today. I would say over the last five months I have gotten A LOT of questions. Questions such as, “Do you have your dress? What does it look like? When is your wedding? Are you stressed? How are you doing?” Above all, I would say the question I get asked the most is, “How’s the wedding planning?”

That simple four-word sentence is one that has come to haunt me.

You might assume this question haunts me because I’m worried the decorations won’t be completed. You might assume this question haunts me because I’m worried the cake won’t taste good. You might assume this question haunts me because my hair won’t be done right. You might assume this question haunts me because I’m nervous something will go wrong on my wedding day.

But in reality, this questions haunts me for a different reason than what you might assume. This question haunts me for one piercing reason and it’s that I talk more about my wedding day than I do about the true wedding day of when Jesus returns for his bride. If only I prepared myself for the return of Jesus as much as I do for July 24th.

Now, I will confess that it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that I need to lose more weight, fix my hair, be kinder to those around me, and exhibit gracious character in order to reach some impossible goal of being the “perfect” wife. I’m not saying that having those characteristics is a bad thing, rather I’m saying it’s easy to get wrapped in the lies that I only have so much time before I must reach a status ofperfection. The end goal isn’t my wedding day, it’s the life I get to have with Austin. It’s the fact that I get to grow with him, be challenged by him, and learn to love him in a way that most honors him. Same thing with Jesus, I can’t reach a certain status of goodness and enter into Heaven thinking that was the climax of my relationship; I continue to grow in Him.

I live in a world that preaches instant gratification and when I don’t see instant results in my body, in my character, in my actions, or in my speech I become discouraged and wonder if I’ll ever be enough. I often forget the beautiful picture that Jesus laid out for me as he came and rescued me from my sin. He wanted me even when I wasn’t at my best. By no means does he require my weight to be a certain number, my hair to be a certain color, and he definitely doesn’t require perfection.

I am guilty of losing sight that Austin wants me to be his wife (helllooo that’s why he asked me to marry him). But not just wants me to be his wife for the Kali I will be on July 24th, he wants me to be his wife for who I was the day he asked me to marry him, the Kali I was when we first started dating, and the Kali I am now: my impatient, ungracious, and stubborn self — he still wants me.

So, why is it so hard for me to believe that Jesus thinks the same thing? Why is it so hard for me to believe that Jesus wants all of me, and not just a perfected future version of me?

I’ll never reach a status of perfection, that’s why Jesus did it for me. May I grow and prepare for the day when I am united with him with anxious anticipation. May I prepare myself for Jesus out of love for Him and not because I’m racing the clock to perfection.

So the next time I see you before you ask me about how my earthly wedding planning is going, ask me about how my heavenly preparation is going.