Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is losing your mind. It will take you off your feet and blow you away, and even in the worst of circumstances, you will stay. What is love? Love is unchanging, unwavering, life-altering, satisfying. Love can make you hide or can turn you into a bride. Love is full of laughter and hugs. Love is a metamorphosis. The word “love” has many different meanings. When was the moment that you understood the depth your heart could love? Was it the first time you ate your favorite dessert? The moment your mother held you close? The aching inside you felt when you lost a loved one? When did you see the depth of love in your heart? We were created to love, but we haven’t always been its best caretaker.
I reflected back on one of the times I rediscovered love, and began to read excerpts from my journal while I was in China. I came across a note I had written that said the following:
A few days ago we went to the orphanage and there was a baby that had recently been found in an abandoned bathroom and was brought to the orphanage. As I am in tears over this sweet child I am reminded by Father that this was me. I was stuck in my sin and no one wanted me, until JC came to swoop me into His arms and whisper, “you were worth dying for.” Most of the time these children are left when there is an issue with the child or if the sex of the child is female, due to the one child rule. I was taken back in this place of abandoned children who were once told that they were not good enough to be the “one child.” I am thankful through this broken hearted experience that my Father was willing to send his one child to die for the world. This was a sweet reminder as Christmas was approaching because as I was stripped of the lights, decorations, and familiarity. I was reminded how far love had to come to reach me; a stable, a carpenter, what a strange, yet miraculous way to save the world. As the Father knew his son’s end yet sent him anyway because he wanted a relationship with me. This Christmas I was able to share the purpose and light to a dark country, and to me that was the best gift I could ever give. He would love us if we never served him again because we are his children and he saved us, but he wants to use us to change his nations through his name because it’s good for us. PTL that it is BETTER for ME to serve my king.
The last week of our trip has been a whirlwind as we traveled to a village 7 hours away on a very very tiny dirt path overlooking a mountainside that was teasing us to fall down it the entire way. As we arrived to our destination we were greeted by hundreds of children lined up at the entrance of the school chanting “we love our new American friends” in Chinese. This village has never seen a white person before, nor has a Christian ever entered this village. Wow, the weight of that truth took awhile to sink in for me. As we exited off of the van, a little carsick, the children were timid, unlike our friends from the town we had been residing in. We immediately began to extend an arm for a hug, and the children retreated because a hug was a foreign concept to them. These children are dropped off by their parents at the ages of 9 or 10 and see their families once a year. These children do not know love. I understood the meaning of 1 John 3:18 as I hugged a little girl for the first time and a tear rolls down her face and she looks up at me and thanks me for hugging her. Love is a foreign and abstract concept to these kids who never experience it. Another young girl latched on to my arm like a leech as we were leaving, bawling her eyes out because she didn’t want us to leave. My heart is broken for these children who are so hungry for love, yet never even get a taste of it. I am beyond humbled that the Lord let me experience what the exchange of love was through a hug. He was in that hug, and I pray these children come to know the Lord as his love never relents, and never runs dry.
As I reflected on these words, my heart was pierced of how quickly I forget the weight of love. I quiver at the thought of my prideful heart overshadowing the opportunity to extend love to a neighbor. Our vision is blurred and the glasses we have been looking through are skewed.
In my childhood, WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) was a common phrase that was used to promote Christ-like behavior. I often remember someone would ask to “cut in line” and quickly spout off “WWJD?!” The acronym quickly became misused and overused. Yet, when I look at the world around me that bases quality of a person strictly off appearance, wealth, possessions, I often wonder, what WOULD Jesus do? Is that how he spent his time on earth; loving those who were of high social status and believed similar ideas to him, casting out those who had nothing to offer him? On the contrary, this is what Jesus warned us not to do.
I am ashamed that I live in a society that preaches false love. I see it on every billboard, hear it in every song, read about it in novels; love is based off what someone can give you, and how another person makes you feel. It’s all about me. Basing my love for someone strictly off an emotion is foolish, love was not intended to be circumstantial. The Cross was not based on emotions, or how much I could offer Jesus, because the truth is, I have nothing to offer Jesus. He does not need me, but he chooses to love me.
I have fallen into a familiar pit that I tell myself I must fix myself before I can come to Jesus. This is the opposite of what the Gospel says, and against everything Jesus taught. Jesus did not enter triumphantly telling people to take a number until they have it altogether. Instead, he met the sinners, the outcasts, the nobody’s where they were; in their sin. If we ignore our brokenness, our sinfulness, then we miss the beauty of the Cross. As we ignore the Cross, we become self-righteous in believing we can earn our way to Heaven. The forgiveness of our sins is not based on our worth or work, but in God’s infinite mercy and righteousness. We live in a world that promotes selfishness, so hearing that it is not about what we do, but all about what He did can be somewhat of a shock and can cause confusion.
I urge you to seek freedom in this truth, and no longer be chained to the weight of earning the Lord’s love. I find such peace in knowing I am a broken mess. I delight in the comfort of my Lord having to be near for me to be whole. I rest in this truth because both of these statements prove faithful: without Jesus I will be a broken mess, constantly messing up my life by giving into the patterns of sin and my flesh, but with Jesus I am made new, I must rely on Him to come through which takes the pressure off of me to perform well.
We value ourselves because of whose we are, not what we are.
I am often convicted that I do not give the same kind of love that I have received. How am I to love my neighbor when I haven’t even learned to receive love from my God? Until we have been filled by a love that we were designed for, we are not able to genuinely love people, because we are constantly seeking to take something from them. Before I can pour out my cup, it must be filled by the giver of satisfaction. Otherwise, I am loving people with the power that is within me (which is slim to none). As I am “loving” those around me, I am hurting them, because I am not full and therefore trying to take something from them: worth, identity, love, status, money etc. I must be full in Jesus to love others well. We cannot understand the vastness of his love until we understand the power of the cross.
This has become a lifestyle many Christians have bought into as we tell others that they need to get it together before they come to us. We analyze people’s motives, possessions, and character to weigh the benefits that we receive before we let them enter our “kingdom.” We have lost sight of the Cross.
My heart aches as I see a generation slowly transforming into worldly thought patterns, but masking the actions within the Christian bubble. We rate our level of christianity on the number of people we’ve saved, brought to church, or served in some way. The purpose of our ministry is not to be fruitful, but to be faithful. When we are trying to control the responses to the gospel, we are cheapening it into making it about us, because we want others to respond to us, not God. Even in ministry we can struggle with control in wanting to get the “right” response. The Bible is filled with people who did not have successful ministries in the eyes of the world. We have twisted ministry to be met by the world’s standards; to be successful in numbers. Again, making the gospel about us and our success. If this is our viewpoint we have missed it, because the gospel IS NOT ABOUT US. We are responsible for delivering the message in love, he is responsible for the response because HE is sovereign and in charge.
For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. — Romans 9:15–16